Related Presence with Shattering Experiences

Whatever you can witness cannot be who you are.

What most powerfully pulls us out of the beautiful state of Related Presence are fears and pains rooted in our past. You might have noticed that when you try to address your traumas at the personality level, new challenges continuously arise. You relieve one pain, only to find another appearing soon after, bringing anxiety or feelings of emptiness. Easing suffering is a wonderful and important process, and we can be grateful for the refined approaches psychology and self-awareness offer to support us.

However, something else has always intrigued me.

Gateways from suffering into presence

How is it possible that sometimes—in the most difficult moments—pain disappears, replaced by profound peace? How could I experience inexplicable, wordless happiness during a car accident on the night of my father’s funeral?

In these moments, the “I” simply disappears, and then reappears, bringing suffering back with it. Where are these gateways from suffering to the peaceful state that I call Related Presence?

The self and the wider presence

Our ego constructs its identity from resistance: “This is me, and that is not me.” This duality creates suffering. But precisely this dynamic offers us the chance to recognize a reality existing beyond the boundaries of our ego. It’s not another personality; rather, it’s a state that is both a source and a reflection of life. This is Related Presence itself.

As strange as it may seem to our human minds, our shattering experiences can become precisely those gateways that help us transcend our limitations.

What are shattering experiences?

We all experience larger or smaller shattering experiences throughout life. The major ones can become traumas, while minor ones occur in everyday situations—such as when your enthusiasm is shattered by an offhand remark. These seemingly small but repetitive incidents increasingly isolate you within yourself and your fears.

What can be done about shattering experiences?

Fortunately, there is a way to reopen these blocked channels and connect with wounds without attempting to heal them directly. This approach helps past events lose their power over your present.

How do you begin?

Before addressing your past directly, practice these steps first: Preparation, Connection, Dual Compassion, and Filling the Space.

Start with smaller shattering experiences, then gradually move towards deeper ones. You always work with the part of you who experienced the past event and the part of you who is here today.

A minor shattering experience could be something that happened yesterday or recently, causing unpleasant feelings. It’s crucial to understand that you aren’t working with the event itself, but with the person who experienced it (your past self) and the one affected by it now (your present self).

• Perform the Preparation with closed eyes.
• Connect with the space around you.
• Allow the space to become empty.
• Invite your past self into your imagination.
• Practice Dual Compassion: inhale with attention on yourself, exhale focusing on your past self.
• Without any intention, simply observe your past self and silently convey: “From now on, you are not alone.”

Using Dual Compassion, observe: How do you see your past self from the outside? How might they feel? Where are they? What are they doing? As you remain present with them, you begin noticing similarities and differences between your past and current selves.

When resistance occurs

Sometimes your past self may not trust you. Remain accepting and desire nothing from them. Stay in the process, and things will shift—maybe after one or two sessions. At times, you might find it difficult to maintain non-judgmental presence. Just acknowledge, “This is just a thought,” and let it go with an exhalation.

Ending the practice

To conclude, gently release the image with an exhalation and slowly open your eyes.

Duration and frequency

Practice once a day for up to 10 minutes. Additionally, reconnect briefly several times a day for a few seconds each time. Whenever you ask yourself, “Where are you now?” you’ll sense where your past self is. Just glance towards them and smile.

Do this daily for at least a week, until you feel your past self is well and easily connecting with you, eventually dissolving into you—often accompanied by an embrace. Once this happens, you’ll know it’s time to move on and work with another past self.

Support from your future self

If intense pain arises, invite your future self who has already overcome this difficulty. Connect with their confident well-being, and together, observe your past self. Practice Dual Compassion together.

After several sessions, you may reverse roles: breathe yourself into your future self and observe your current self from that future perspective, continuing Dual Compassion.

At the end, remain in the future self’s peaceful state, gently releasing the image with an exhalation.

Walking practice

Once comfortable, you can practice while walking. Sense the presence of your future self, step into it, and continue walking as your future self.

The past may sometimes draw you back, but the more you experience your new state, the more natural it becomes, until eventually, you realize you are living it fully. This is conscious creation.

Closing thoughts

Suffering arises from identifying with past pains and fears, blocking us from Related Presence. Anything you observe cannot be identical to you, as there is the observer and the observed. As you compassionately observe your past, this identification dissolves, relieving suffering.

As suffering eases, your sense of safety increases, allowing inner walls to soften. When this happens, you naturally find yourself in Related Presence.

Working through this process with your past and future selves may take one, two, or even three years. While that might seem lengthy, what is it compared to decades of carrying unresolved pain?

With each practice, you move forward. Stay committed to this journey, so you can become who you’ve always truly been: whole, free, and living in Related Presence.